


Wedding Date Needed

by everythingisalot



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: First Meetings, Fluff, Lies, M/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 17:11:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10598457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythingisalot/pseuds/everythingisalot
Summary: Phil needs a believable wedding date and is willing to go to dangerous lengths to get one.





	

**Author's Note:**

> heyo, another one shot whilst my chaptered fics go ignored ;/

April 10th, 2016: Please someone save me from dying of embarrassment (London) 

Hey. I'm Phil. I'm 30 and I still can't believe I'm like this.

I didn't know what to list this under, so, misc romance here we are? It says London but I'll need you to come to Manchester with me (I'll pay for travel!)

Why? I have to attend a family wedding. I'm the last single person in my family and everyone likes to remind me of that. EVERYONE. I was going to get put at the singles table! I was going to have to make awkward small talk all night. My only option was to lie and tell everyone I was already seeing someone. That's where you come in! Hello my, hopefully, plus-one. 

What's in it for you? My cousin knows how to put on a good party and she always always makes the best food in the world ever. You can shove your face full of it all night. We also have a fancy hotel room and you can have it and i'll like sleep in the bathtub (which is probably as fancy as the bed). 

I'm aware this is weird and I don't want anything more out of it. I'll lie afterwards and tell my mum it didn't work out. Unless she loves you in which case I'll maybe need to pretend we're together for a bit longer (but we live so far apart that you won't need to actually be there). 

Thanks and I'm sorry for even posting this. 

Call/Text: 0744950941 

-do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

-

Hey, your ad was on craigslist and it made me laugh and when's the wedding? DH

Hey! Oh my god, please tell me you're not either 50 or 15. -PL

Not much luck today, I take it. I'm 25. -DH

I want to marry you already. Oh, and, the wedding is this Saturday. I know, short notice. -PL

You don't even know my name. It's Dan, by the way. I can do Saturday. -DH

Yeah? You might just be my hero. -PL

I could be a murderer. -DH

Please do it after the wedding. -PL. 

Oh my god. Text me your address and I'll see you Saturday morning. -DH

-

Phil had been so happy that he'd actually found someone he'd immediately handed over his address without a second thought. He'd not gotten anything else out of Dan beside the fact he was 25. He didn't even know what he looked like, not that he was one to judge, but his mum was well aware he had a type. He was a nervous wreck, afraid that he'd turn up with Dan on his arm and everyone would instantly know he was lying. Perhaps his ad would be printed out and used as table decoration. 

He was pacing the room when the doorbell went and he was tempted to hide, nearly throwing himself down behind his sofa so he wouldn't be seen through his window. He was stuck in an odd place when it went again and he decided he owed it to Dan to at least answer the door, who knew how far he'd come this morning. 

He checked himself over in the mirror, making sure he looked presentable for a complete and utter stranger. ''Hey I'm-'' He was cut off when he actually looked up, breath leaving him all at once because holy fuck. 

''Phil?'' Dan asked, offering a smile that made his cheeks dimple. ''I'm Dan. Your hero, apparently.'' 

Phil could only nod as he moved out of the doorway, gesturing for Dan to come inside. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting when he'd posted the thing, but it certainly wasn't this. Certainly not Dan.

''Phil. Yeah. Hey, Dan! It's nice to meet you, thanks for actually, you know, coming.'' He shut the door behind him, scared Dan would decide to run straight back out of it if he left it open for too much longer. 

''I couldn't not come after hearing about the food. I'm a university drop-out, free food was my thing for years.'' He laughed, eyes scanning over the hall before settling on Phil. ''You look very wedding appropriate.'' 

''You, too! And I never even told you to dress up, which was probably not the best. Actually, I told you nothing apart from the fact a wedding was going to happen.'' He realised. It could've been fancy dress for all Dan knew. 

''We're going to have to get to know each other on the train, aren't we? I mean, you told your mum we're together and she's going to expect you to know.. things.'' He suddenly pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket, handing it over. ''This is basic stuff if you get lost and I'm not right there to answer in your place.'' 

''Oh- thanks. You're incredibly prepared.'' Phil murmured, feeling a little fearful over the fact he'd basically not thought this through at all. He knew, really, that everyone would be A) Focused on the happy couple and, B) Drunk, but he still wanted for at least someone to believe that he could actually hold down a relationship. 

''I couldn't sleep last night so I thought I could at least put my time to good use.'' Dan looked a little sheepish and Phil already knew he was in so much trouble. 

-

''Ok. So. Phil, 30. Video editor. Bit of a nerd, or a lot of a nerd. Cleans up pretty well and keeps looking at me like I've got two heads. Honestly, have I still got some breakfast on my face?'' 

Dan was speaking and Phil couldn't stop staring, he was probably being painfully obvious, but Dan was painfully attractive. He only caught onto what Dan was actually saying a few seconds later.

''Oh, god, I'm so sorry! I just, I don't know, wasn't expecting you to come from a craiglist ad. I just want to keep checking you're actually real.'' He admitted, cheeks turning the same colour as Dan's tie. ''What were you even doing on there?'' 

''I'll take that as a compliment.'' Dan nodded, hiding his smile by turning to stare out of the train window. ''Me and my friend always try and find like the funniest ad, it's a weird competition that's grown over the years, she sent me yours the other day. It was funny, but not in that weird kinky funny.. you know? Not that I spend my time kink shaming strangers on the internet. I actually found yours endearing funny. Also I haven't been to Manchester in years. Wanted to take another look around. I did a year of Law there and then dropped out. I was, hm, nineteen the last time I was here.'' 

''Nineteen. A baby. I won't ask why you dropped out, that could only bring back horrifying memories on what is supposed to be a happy day.'' Phil teased, meeting Dan's eyes in the reflection of the window. ''Is it weird to say that I think my mum is going to love you?''

''Does that mean you'll have to pretend to be in a relationship with me long after this?'' Dan asked, following it up with another sentence before Phil can get a word in edgeways. ''Also, no it's not weird because I'm charming as fuck.''

''Language!'' Phil scolded, giving Dan's arm a light warning slap. ''Don't start swearing in front of my mother. I'll write a very bad review of your services.''

''You're making me sound like an escort.'' Dan chuckled, turning back around so he could raise an eyebrow at Phil. ''Which I'm most definitely not.'' 

''Oh, shutup. I never said you were Dan.. oh god, I don't even know your last name. I am so unprepared. Why didn't you make me prepare?'' He's frantically pulling the piece of paper Dan had given him earlier from his pocket, scanning in for the piece of information he needs. ''Howell. Shutup, Dan Howell.''

''That's no way to speak to the love of your life.'' Dan reaches out, tangles their fingers together and Phil is pretty sure he's having a heart-attack. ''Phil. Please stop looking like I just killed your entire family. If we're going to pull this off we at least have to look like we do this all of the time, Phil... Last name.''

''Oh! It's Lester. Sorry. I haven't actually done this in a while. Might be a bit of a rough start.'' Phil admitted. He always felt too busy to go out on dates, or when he did it was always with someone who had classified him as a weirdo by the end of the night. He'd gone off the idea. He'd decided that if he was supposed to be with someone then it'd just happen, and he had to stop going out of his own way to find it. ''I was thinking of trying to bring one of my friends along but decided that might make everything way too complicated. I mean, what if they actually think I asked because i'm in love with them or something? So.. here we are, desperate times call for desperate measures.''

''Way to make a man feel special.'' Phil very quickly discovers Dan is a gigantic tease, a witty retort for anything and everything. ''You can tell how exciting my life is considering the fact I'm actually here. This is what I class as a fun Saturday. Can we just agree on the fact we're both a bit pathetic?''

''I can agree on that.'' Phil's eyes are still scanning over the piece of paper, he actually wants to know more about Dan and not just so they can put on a good show. ''You act? Wow.''

''Don't be so amazed, Phil, really. I've had a few things in stage shows, doubt anyone at this wedding will be starstruck. Though I guess it's going to come in handy considering the fact this entire thing is going to come down to acting.'' Their fingers are still tangled together and Dan has started stroking his thumb over Phil's skin, Phil wonders if he's even aware of what he's doing. ''Maybe one day I'll star in a big movie and you'll be able to sell the story of today.''

''I'd never dare tarnish our love story by telling it to the press.'' Phil gasps mock offended and, ok, maybe his own acting could use some work. 

''You're ridiculous. Today is going to be so fucking fun.'' He's pushing his luck and Phil is more than happy to let him. 

-

''I can't believe you've been hiding him away from me!'' Phil's mother exclaims, pulling them both into a hug the second they arrive at the reception. ''He's so gorgeous, Phil, where on earth did you find him?

Phil looks at Dan with panic in his eyes because they never did this, they never came up with a 'how we met' story. 

''I saw him during one of my shows. He was sat in the second row and he was so distracting. I kept meeting his eye and I'm sure I was blushing like an idiot.'' Dan was pulling out a story from nowhere and all Phil could do was look on in awe. ''The second it was over I, more or less, jumped down into the audience and I really, really hoped I hadn't got the wrong idea. We're here today so apparently I hadn't.'' He wrapped his arms around Phil, pulled him tightly to his side. ''We wanted to go on a few dates before we started telling and now felt like the perfect time. Thanks for giving birth to him, to be honest.'' 

''Oh, aren't you lovely.'' Phil's mum looked just as enamoured as Phil felt. ''I'm so glad he's finally found someone, and someone as handsome as you.'' Dan was getting his cheeks pinched and Phil was dragging him away with a groan. 

''I'm so sorry, she gets a bit carried away when it comes to my love life.'' Phil guided them through the busy room, suddenly glad for Dan's presence because at least he knew he had one person to talk to. Being alone in a room full of people was never fun. ''This is our table.'' He even goes as far as pulling Dan's chair out. If they're putting on a show they may as well make it an extravagant one. 

''Oh, thankyou.'' Dan takes his seat, waits for Phil to sit down beside him before bringing up what his mother had just said. ''I'm so handsome, aren't I, Phil? So handsome and my cheeks are so pinchable.'' 

''So handsome. The most handsome man on earth.'' Phil wasn't exactly lying about that. ''Good job with the story, by the way. I was about to tell her I accidentally walked into your flat instead of mine. I'm sure you would've got me done for trying to rob you rather than fall in love with me.''

''Hm, I don't know.'' Dan ponders, a far away look in his eyes. ''If I'd caught you trying to steal my toaster I might've offered you some bread to go with it.''

''I hate you because now I really, really want some toast. Probably the one thing not on offer at this wedding.'' Phil whines. Wondering if it'd be rude to leave because surely their hotel room has a toaster or at least someone who will bring them toast.

''I'll make you some later. Promise.'' Dan is speaking as he grabs two glasses of champagne from the passing tray, shoving one into Phil's hand. ''Drink. Be merry.''

''What sort of drunk are you?'' Phil asks, taking small sips of his own compared to Dan who has the ability to polish off the entire glass at once. 

''Hate to admit it, really, but I get a bit horny.'' Dan is smiling over the rim of his empty glass, smile turning into laughter as Phil chokes on his own champagne. ''Don't worry. I won't start coming onto you or one of the other guests. I think that would ruin my reputation with your mum.'' 

''I-yeah. Cheating on me in-front of me isn't going to give off the best impression. Maybe slow down a bit.'' He places his own, now empty, glass down on the table. ''I'm allowed to drink because I'm older than and won't try and shag you in the place where all the guest's coats live.'' Though, he might. 

''Why would we do it there when we have a perfectly good hotel room upstairs? I would even let you in the bed rather than the bathtub.'' The conversation is heading down a route that Phil isn't prepared for and he's almost thankful when the rest of their table sits down. 

''No coat room for us,'' Dan whispers, lips too close to his ear. It really had been a long time for Phil and that was the only reason he felt a little bit of something. 

''Hey! So, Dan, meet my brother and his girlfriend.'' Phil needs any means of distraction and if that means forcing Dan into meeting his entire family, then so be it. 

''Phil has certainly kept you a secret, hasn't he? Where's our brotherly love gone, we used to tell each other everything.'' He reaches over the table, him and Dan engaging in a hand shake. ''Good luck with this one he's a nightmare, but he might not be with you considering you're so much his type that I don't believe he hasn't created you in a lab.'' 

''Oh?'' Dan asks, sounding incredibly interested in what his brother has to say. ''Phil never told me he had a type, but good to know I'm it.'' Phil can hear the smirk in Dan's voice and he wishes that, actually, the coat room conversation was happening instead of this one. 

They all return to doing their own thing not long after. After Dan has been introduced to aunties, uncles, grandparents, cousins, and just about anyone else he possible could've been introduced to. They all love him, of course. One of his less nice cousins even tells Dan's he's way out of Phil's league, Phil mentally crosses her name off his Christmas card list.

''You have a lot of family.'' Dan is on his third glass of champagne and he, apparently, turns a bit clingy. ''They're all nice. Apart from your cousin who was trying to get in my pants.'' He's draped himself over Phil's back, has his chin rested on his shoulder. ''I'm your type.''

''Yeah.'' Phil agrees, becoming oddly used to the weight of Dan's body. ''I really did get lucky when you replied, makes this all the more believable.'' He can feel Dan's hand sneaking down and around his waist, pulling him closer.

''That girl over there has been staring at you all night.'' He whispers, explaining the sudden possessiveness. ''Maybe you actually would've been in luck if I hadn't turned up.'' 

Phil's eyes travel over the guests, landing on exactly who Dan had just been speaking about. ''Oh, fuck, I dated her a few years back. Before I moved to London. Didn't end on the greatest terms.'' He's turning in Dan's arms, away from her gaze. ''I'd really rather not speak to her at all. She was, god, she was a bitch. She used to school my behaviour because she thought I was too weird for her friends to possibly handle.'' The closeness is a lot, their chests are pressed together and, for a second, he lets this be real. 

''You're weird,'' Dan murmurs, ''but in the best way. In a good way. Who'd want to change you?''

''That's- oh, look! They're about to have their first dance.'' He and Dan make their way over to the edge of the floor, watching as the happy couple do something that will be an embarrassing memory in future. They're both a bit sloshed, the groom's shoes are too slippery and the whole room is full of laughter as he falls straight onto his arse. Though a complete disaster it was romantic, they were in love and it was incredibly obvious in the way that they looked at each other.

''Do you ever want to get married, Dan? Find someone who just accepts all your faults, looks at you like that..'' Phil sighs, weddings are a terrible place to be single.

''If you're lucky I might look at you like that.'' Dan's attempt at being seductive may have worked if it weren't for the burp that followed. 

''You're so drunk, how are you so drunk?'' He drags Dan away from where he was about to grab another glass of champagne, they end up on the dance floor and suddenly Dan is full of energy again. 

''Let's dance! It'll be fun and you can show her you've moved on and are not weird.'' It's all fine, to begin with, the music is relatively fast, but it soon turns into something that requires closeness, slowness. It's such a cliché that Phil wants to groan.

''You desperately need some food in you to soak up that alcohol. You didn't tell me you were such a lightweight.'' Dan is ignoring him though, much more interested in holding Phil close and swaying to some terrible song about love. ''It's not even half way through the night. 

''Shush. Dance with me. I like dancing, I never get to dance.'' Dan's voice his slightly whiny and on anyone else, it would've made Phil recoil away, but instead, it makes him melt and give in. 

''Fine. But only for five minutes and then dinner is happening.'' Phil lets Dan guide them around the floor, sure he can hear the click of his mum's camera in the background. This fake date-breakup is going to break her heart. ''Did you know you're really, really warm? Like dancing with a radiator.''

''Did you know you're really, really hot? Like dancing with a hot person.'' Dan murmurs back, hand slipping back down to hold Phil's waist as the swaying finally comes to an end. ''Can I be honest? I never thought you were going to look like you and you're my type as well. I like you, I like tonight. '' 

''You're sweet, but you're also drunk and we're going to go sit down now.'' Phil's words come out fine, but his cheeks are red and his heart is beating a little too fast for his liking. This isn't real, he reminds himself. 

''Sit.'' He plonks Dan down, manages to push him in even if the chair scrapes across the wooden flooring and makes every turn and stare. 

''That was so noisy, Phil.'' Dan points out, as though it wasn't already extremely obvious. 

''I know, but you also just shouted that.'' Phil takes the seat beside him just as dinner starts getting served. The meal is exquisite, just as he expected, probably more expensive that his entire months food bill. Phil learns that food shuts Dan up, no words leave his mouth throughout and he gets away with having another glass of champagne that flies under Phil's radar. 

''What the fuck, Phil, please invite me to all future weddings you attend. That was so good, I can't ever eat regular shitty food again.'' Phil shoves his hand over Dan's mouth, muffling whatever sentence was about to leave next. There are too many kids about and he doesn't want to be blamed for teaching them how to swear. 

''I think maybe we should call it a night. Dan here has really enjoyed the free champagne.'' He makes a joke of it to the people around him, they all laugh and nod their heads. ''C'mon you. Time to go to bed.'' He kisses his mother good night and is very nearly out of the room when it goes downhill. 

''Hey, Phil.'' The voice is just as false, as sickly sweet, as he remembers it. ''I haven't seen you in so long, you look amazing.'' She's leaning in, pressing a lipgloss kiss to his cheek. 

''Hey, Sam. I just-- yeah, I need to get him to bed.'' He gestures towards the drunk Dan hanging off him, the drunk Dan who is now glaring at his ex-girlfriend. 

''Oh, that's a pity. It would've been nice to catch up. Is this your boyfriend, then? Heard a lot about him tonight.'' She's smiling but the tone of voice is anything but happy. ''He's.. nice, I'm sure.'' 

''Oh, fuck off.'' Dan is slurring ever so slightly, his hand gesturing wildly at the door on their left. ''Fuck off and leave me and Phil alone. It's your loss, you should've let him be who he was. 'Cos who is is pretty amazing.''

Sam, for the first time, looks incredibly taken about. Even has the decency to look a little sheepish as she shuffles away back into the main hall. 

'Dan!'' Phil hisses, though he can't keep up the act for very long at all. ''Thankyou.''

-

''You know you can sleep in the bed, right? It's huge. You won't even have to touch me, but I wouldn't be opposed.'' Dan is stripping out of his suit without a second thought and Phil is really trying his hardest to not stare. 

Horny drunk Dan is an absolute nightmare for Phil. He opts to run away, it's the right thing to do. 

''Alright. Yeah. If you're sure.'' Phil strips in the bathroom and changes into the pyjamas he'd packed, by the time he's back in the bedroom Dan is, thankfully, beneath the covers and the torture of looking at his half-naked body is over.

Turns out, feeling Dan's half naked body against his own is even worse. He's an octopus, all long limbs wrapped around Phil and he doesn't even have the heart to move him because he looks so peaceful whilst he's asleep. 

The night is a long one and it takes Phil a good couple of hours to finally relax enough to be able to fall asleep. 

He wakes up to Dan's hair in his face, the man still all over him. He gently extracts himself and watches as he worms his way into the warmth Phil had left behind.

After he's showered Dan is finally awake, looking every bit hungover. ''God, how much did I drink?''

''Not even that much! You're such a lightweight.'' Phil giggles, raiding through his bag for some paracetamol. ''Take a couple of these. Check out is in a couple of hours.'' 

''Thanks. Sorry if I was a terrible wedding guest, but I did have a great night.'' He swallows them dry and Phil almost berates him for it before realising that it's not really his place to do so.

''You weren't a terrible guest. You made a bad night into a fun one.'' He joins Dan on the bed, leans over him to reach the phone so he can order breakfast from room service. 

''Phil, can I ask you a question?'' Dan sounds, for the first time, a bit nervous and that immediately has Phil's attention. 

''Yeah, sure. What's up?'' He leans back against the headboard, their hands both settled in the sheets and Phil has the overwhelming urge to tangle their fingers together even though the whole fake dating thing is over, even though they're entirely alone. 

''Your mum loves me, and in the advert, you posted it said that you may have to pretend that I'm around, even if I'm actually not. What if--'' Dan trails off, clears his throat, tries to regain his confidence, ''what if I said I did actually want to be around?''

''You mean?'' Phil was genuinely shocked, his cousin hadn't exactly been wrong when she said Dan was too pretty for him, at least, in his opinion she hadn't been. 

''I like you, I like what I know so far, and I'd really, really like to get to know all of you. Properly. In a not fake way, plus I did promise you toast that I haven't made yet.'' 

Phil goes for it, tangles their fingers together. ''How does dinner with me next week sound?''


End file.
